He who sleeps catches no fish，—but he who keeps awake catches crabs¹ every moment of his life．

 

All professions can yield a man enough to live on，—except professions of faith．

 

When attending the performance of some modern operas，it has struck me that the conductor was only beating time because he could not beat the composer．

 

If in the sight of the law all men are equal， Heaven save us from getting into its sight．

 

When you want to get rid of a dog， you take off his collar；—when the king wants to get rid of a minister， he give shim the collar—of the Order of the Annunziata．

 

The place where they ruin people's voices， and throw aside all the canons of art，is called the Conservatoire；and a hospital full of sick peopk is called a“house of health”（Casadi Salute²）．

Among the many motives⁴ which induce me to stay away from the theatre is the utter absence of all motive³ in modernoperas．

 

How many old phrases are required to make a new electoral programme！

 

All musical notes may express cheerful ideas； it is only thenotes of creditors⁵ which arouse none but melancholy⁶ reflections．

 

I entered the shop of a pork butcher at the moment when his son， aged⁷ eight， was returning from school． The poor boy was weeping bitterly．

 

“The old story！”exclaimed his parent ；“I suppose you did not learn your lessons， and the master called you an ass⁸， as you deserved！”

 

“Yes！” replied the child， sobbing，“he did call me an ass，—and then—”

“Well，—and then —what else？”

 

“He said，‘well， after all， it is no wonder—like father，like son！’”

 

“Did he，indeed？the animal！”exclaimed the porkbutcher．“And to think that perhaps he has not yet eaten the whole of those two sausages I sent him at Christmas！”

 

39．闲人遐思

 

“眠者不得鱼”——但醒者一生时时刻刻捕到的却是螃蟹。

 

各种职业都可赖以为生——除了信仰的宣言。

 

观看某些现代歌剧演出时，我忽然悟到，指挥之所以仅仅只是打拍子，是因为他打不着作曲者。

 

上天保佑我们别进入法律的视界，即使在法律看来人人平等。

 

你不想要某条狗了，就取下它的领圈——当国王想摆脱某大臣，就给他戴上领饰——圣母玛丽亚荣誉骑士团的领饰①。

 

毁坏人们的噪音并抛弃一切艺术法规的地方叫作音乐学校（Conservatoire）；住满病人的医院则被称为“健康之屋”（Casa di Salute）。

 

种种动机促使我躲开剧院，其中之一就是因为现代歌剧完全没有主题②。

 

得用多少老词儿，才能编一套新的选举纲领！

 

所有的音符都能表达欢乐的思想；唯独债权人的信函③唤起的全是忧愁的念头。

 

我走进杀猪屠夫的铺子，他八岁的儿子正好放学回家。

那可怜的孩子哭得好伤心。

 

“准又是老事重演！”他父亲吼道，“我想一定是你没记住功课，老师骂你是蠢驴来着，你也就配挨骂！”

 

“不错，”孩子回答，一边抽泣着，“他确实叫我蠢驴来着，—然后—”

 

“然后——还有什么？”

 

“他说，‘说来倒也不奇怪——有其父必有其子。’”

 

“他真这么说了？那个畜生！”杀猪的大喊，“而且想想看，我过圣诞送他的整整两大根肉肠只怕还并没吃完呢！”

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