走自己的路，想说谁说谁去吧。 …… Walks own road, wants to say who said who goes. ……

　　来一斤西瓜，称给准点儿。Comes a catty watermelon, calls for on time.

　　科学家会武术，流氓都挡不住。The scientist meets the martial¹ arts, the hoodlums cannot block.

　　谁要不认识他，谁就没吃过猪肉。Who or knows him, who hasn't eaten the pork.

　　好些天都没吃饭了，看谁都像烙饼。Many days all have not eaten meal, looked everybody looks like the wheat pancake.

　　听相声二十，起哄一万六。再笑加钱。…… Listens to the crosstalk 20, creats a disturbance² 16,000.Again smiles adds the money.......

　　正说着呢，布什身上BP机响，英显的。 Was saying, on the Bush body the BP machine sound, England reveals.

　　他们家有门风么，走道不拣东西就算丢。 …… Their family has the family tradition, the aisle³ does not sort the thing to lose. ......

　　你无耻的样子，颇有我年轻时候的神韵。 Your shameless appearance, quite has my young time charm.

　　您体格好啊，一看就知道一准儿活到死。Your physique good, understood at a glance one lives dies.

　　这小伙子长得，把脸挡上跟个演员似的…… This young fellow is long, keeps off the face resembles with an actor ......

　　我和超人唯一的区别就是我把NK穿里边了。Inside I and exceeded others in ability the only difference am I put on NK.

　　上次喝多了，拿筷子当鸡爪子，吃了一根半。 Previous time drank have been many, took the chopsticks to work as the chicken claw, has eaten one half.

　　“爸爸，我饿!” “又喊饿，你去年没吃饭吗?” “The daddy, I am hungry!” “Also shouts hungrily, your has not eaten meal last year?”

　　我扔铅球扔得可远了，教练说了，人出去了不算啊！I threw the shot to throw may be far, the training said, the human exited not to calculate!

　　散场大家都别走啊，我请大家吃饭——谁去谁掏钱。 Breaks up everybody all not to walk, who do I ask everybody to eat meal - - to go to who to take out money.

　　(那不金发碧眼吗？)废话，这不金发，闭着眼呢吗。 (That not golden hair blue eyes?)The idle talk, this golden hair, does not close one's eyes.

　　这脑仁就松籽儿大的个儿，打开脑壳一看，就一碗卤煮。 As soon as this brain kernel⁴ on the loose seed big stature⁵, opens the skull⁶ to look, bowl of stewin thick gravies⁷.

　　大伙是愿意听啊是愿意听啊还是愿意听啊？我决不强求 Everybody are is willing to listen is willing to listen to be willing to listen? I demand in no way

　　呵！他跟我犟嘴！你以为我不敢炖你，我们家要有锅我早把你炖了。 ! He with my jiang mouth! You thought I did not dare to cook you, our family must have the pot I to cook early you.

　　来到天堂，这儿建筑好看，两边还有牌子：天堂左右一百米严禁摆摊！ Arrives the heaven, here building is attractive, nearby two also has the sign: About the heaven 100 meters forbid strictly⁸ setting up a stall!

　　想吃汉堡，包张纸揭开吃；想吃螃蟹，揭个盖；想喝奶，馒头上弄一揪儿…… Wants to eat Hamburg, Bao Zhangzhi opened eats; Wants to eat the crab⁹, uncovers a lid; As soon as wants to drink the milk, on the steamed bun makes clutches ......

　　今天说的这故事，离现在不远，家里有老人的可以回去问问，在春秋战国时期啊 …… Today said this story, is not far to the present, in the family has the old person to be possible to go back asks, in Spring and Autumn Period Warring States time ......

　　我买50辆好车--奥拓、奥拓、奥拓……！用铁丝镖起来，开起来跟火车一样！I buy 50 good vehicle - - Aotuo, Aotuo, Aotuo ......! Gets up with the iron wire dart¹⁰, opens is same with the train!

　　有一前辈，很成功，抢劫183万现金，下午5:40 警察到的时候，还跟北三环堵着呢。 Some senior, very successful, robs 1,830,000 cashes, 5:40 police arrive in the afternoon time, but also with northern three encircling walls.

　　没有拦得住他的门，没有挡得住他的锁，就是银行的保险锁他弄根芹菜就能把它捅开了 。Has not blocked lives his gate, could not have blocked his lock, was the bank insurance locks him to make the root celery to be able to hold it.

　　我们半路迷路了，他拿出一堆仪器来，指东南西北针……我说你这都落后了，咱得采取先进的办法，扔鞋吧。

　　Our halfway¹¹ has become lost, he puts out pile of instruments to come, to refer to four cardinal¹² points needle ......I said your this all fell behind, we must adopt the advanced means, throws the shoes.

　　连炸酱面都不爱吃？你忘本啊！！！ All does not like the noodles with soybean paste eating? You forget one's origin!!!

　　我当艺术家都一个多礼拜了 I worked as artists all more than weeks

　　花二百钱买一小猪儿,吱吱喝水,嘎巴嘎巴吃豆,解墙头扔过去,吱的一声,你猜怎么着~~~死了!

　　Spends 200 money to buy a young pig, psst drinks water, forms into a hard crust eats the bean, solves the top of a wall to throw, squeek, you guessed how ~~~ did die!