When evaluating the quality of CollegeGate's edits, please bear in mind the quality of the original version to understand the dramatic improvement made to the essay. Also, bear in mind that a comprehensive critique is included with the CollegeGate editing service in addition to the rewritten version but that we do not include the critique here for privacy reasons.
Unedited Version (the "Before")
Essay 1:
Discuss the effect that an increasingly global economy may have on your future responsibilities as a manager, both generally and as regards your chosen field, and what you hope to learn at MIT to enable you to meet this challenge?
Essay 2:
Why have you selected the Master’s or Ph.D. program in the Carroll School of Management at Boston College?
Essay 1:
In the 1990s, globalization has changed the business world profoundly. Companies of different country origins now can reach customers worldwide and cut their production and operation costs through international chains of production and distribution. Today, Gillette Co. is manufacturing razors in Russia, Fidelity1 Investment is selling its funds in Germany, and Citicorp is serving millions of customers from Asia to America. Meanwhile, global markets are featured with constant changes, intense competition, and heightened customer expectation, making it ever more difficult for a company to gain and maintain its competitive edge. Managers have to take broader responsibilities in the global economy. A successful manager will monitor the competitive landscape and decide if his organization has the strategies, structures and the people that can fulfill2 its global interest. In spite of the different approaches he may take, he always has to build the commitment to the global economy and develop the necessary strengths for international business throughout his company. Being exposed to global economy does not mean that a company will easily become international. Transiting3 from a national company to an international one will take an adjustment of attitude as well as operation. Explaining the challenges and opportunities, and addressing to employees’ concerns, such as how globalization affect their jobs, are a manager’s first steps to make the transition.
An excellent salesman in the U.S. may not work equally well in China or Brazil. In order to act globally, a company needs the right people with the right skills. Developing global working teams that have the necessary skills to work with people of different countries and cultures, then, is the next thing on a manager’s agenda.
Also, a successful manager will help his company tailor its global strategies to its resources and capacities. It would be great to have 1 billion customers by the year 2010 like Citicorp might, but not every company has the size and global reach of Citigroup. Nonetheless, size is not everything. It’s the quality of the products and services that a company can offer that matters. In stead of being all the things to all the people, a smaller company can take alternative approaches to the global market, such as focusing on a certain market sector4 in which it can compete efficiently5. A manager must find the best strategies available and then establish appropriate policies in international marketing6, finance, and human resource management accordingly. And then, these strategies will be continually monitored to take into account new advances in the business world. Furthermore, different cultures, laws, and market conditions make international operation a complicated process of system engineering. A manager has to shape his company into a flexible organization so that it can learn from and respond to fast-changing environments. In addition to developing global working teams, mastering technology is another central part of this action. With the help of technology, a manager will be able to direct and control operations on diverse scopes and scales. More importantly, since everyone has access to technology, how a manager leverages7 technology for competitive advantage will make the difference. In a world fraught8 with intensive competition, ideas become the ultimate power that makes a company stand out. In order to be recognized and chosen by customers, a company has to be creative and do things special. A manger's responsibilities must include encouraging and stimulating9 new ideas and techniques. To this end, he will look for new markets, customers, and allies with the purpose of generating new revenues and reducing costs.
In the field of finance, globalization has compelled managers to make their decisions in the shadow of uncertainty10. Numerous forces affect international capital markets. As the markets become more and more integrated, the changes in one market will induce chain reactions that will eventually sweep all the markets. One of such an example is the Asian currency crisis that happened in 1997, which is still affecting the world’s economy at this time. On the other hand, as the world moves toward common standard of financial governance and market valuation, new opportunities have arisen for international financial operations.
Financial managers must look for innovative11 ways to manage risk. In every global company, corporate12 financial managers will have to deal with the cultural and legal differences among countries to protect corporate assets and earnings13. This requires that they have to take bigger roles in their companies’ decision-making process in order to develop effective strategies that make the most of an uncertain situation. At the same time, accelerated innovation from financial service industry has given rise to arrays of resources for international financing. Keeping pace with the changes in the financial tools and effectively making use of different financial products will be an important part in corporate financial manager’s work. In financial service industry, globalization has triggered new operation standards. The emergence14 of Citigroup has demonstrated an example of one-stop shopping for financial products, which has combined different kinds of financial services such as banking15, insurance, brokerage, and investment banking. But again, bigger is not always better. Instead, introducing new services, tailoring individualized solutions to customers’ needs, and inventing more options for customers to access may lead to success. There are always new ways to compete, and managers should never give up finding those ways.
For a future manager, tackling the global economy is an inevitable16 task. In addition to the knowledge international business, he must have such skills as leadership, communication and cooperation, and organization to take the responsibility. As the leading school in global management issues, Sloan will equip me with cutting-edge business knowledge and skills that will help me understand and anticipate the expectations of international guests and business associates. Also, the school's international environment will give me first-hand exposure to how people of different cultures think, act and communicate. These upgraded knowledge and skills, I believe, will pave my way to a global player in my future career.
Essay 2:
In my imagination, an ideal MBA school has three characteristics. First, it has to be an innovative institution in business education. And, it has to create an international bent17 that will prepare students for the challenges coming from the global economy. Moreover, it must combine theoretical training with business practices, which allows students to keep pace with business trends and to master every essence of management skills.
Taking a close look at the Carroll School, I find that it meets all my expectations. For one thing, it has a high reputation in modeling business leaders and financial managers. With an emphasis on developing its students’ skills and abilities, its MBA program is featured with creativity and flexibility18. For years, it has filled students with the cutting-edge business knowledge, which give them superior capabilities19 to handle the most complicated business operations.
On the other hand, Carroll School’s MBA education is not confined to classrooms. At the same time the school brings business leaders into classrooms, it also enables students to learn from real-world practices by creating such opportunities through its extensive business associations and alumni network. Also, as one of the MBA schools that have paid special attention to develop consultants20, the school provides a stimulating environment for those who want to serve in consulting industry. Furthermore, Carroll School is truly an international manager builder. It is a highly-rated school in teaching international management issues, and has attracted students from different countries and cultures. By teaming up with these students, I will learn how people of different cultures think, act and communicate. This experience, in turn, will help me build and improve global working teams in my future career as a manager. Meanwhile, I will be able to strengthen my global thinking and, therefore, prepare for the challenges of the global economy.
In pursuing my career in financial consulting, I feel that Carroll School’s MBA program is the one of which I can make the most during the next two years. For this reason I choose Carroll School.
Edited Version (the "After")
Essay 1: Discuss the effect that an increasingly global economy may have on your future responsibilities as a manager, both generally and as regards your chosen field, and what you hope to learn at MIT to enable you to meet this challenge?
Essay 2: Why have you selected the Master’s or Ph.D. program in the Carroll School of Management at Boston College?
Essay 1:
The globalization of the 1990s has had a profound impact on every facet21 of the business world. Companies in every nation can now reach customers around the world and cut operation costs through global scales of production and distribution. Today, Gillette Co. is manufacturing razors in Russia, Fidelity Investment is selling its funds in Germany, and Citicorp is serving millions of customers from Asia to America. Meanwhile, international markets undergo constant change, intense competition, and heightened customer expectation, which makes it increasingly difficult for a company to gain and maintain its competitive edge. Managers must therefore take on a broader range of responsibilities. A successful manager will monitor the competitive landscape and decide if his organization has the strategies, structures, and personnel to be viable22 on a global level. In spite of the different approaches he may take, one thing remains23 constant--a manager must instill a commitment to globalization throughout his company. Simple exposure to an expanded economy does not make a corporation “international.” Rather, there needs to be a widespread adjustment of attitude, as well as sweeping24 changes in operation, to ensure the company’s profitability.
The initial steps a manager must take are twofold: to clearly outline the challenges and opportunities of an international market, and to address the individual talents of each employee. A successful manager will tailor his company’s global strategies to suit its resources and capacities. This involves setting realistic goals without losing sight of more elevated ones. Not every corporation, for instance, has the size and reach of Citicorp, which will have one billion customers by the year 2010. While a manager should take the limitations of his corporation into account, he must also remember that quality of products and services can achieve goals that mere25 size cannot. Instead of being “all things to all people,” a smaller company can take a more specialized26 approach to the global market by focusing on a certain sector in which it can excel. To achieve this, it is critical to match the talents and experience of each employee to the task best suited to him. For instance, a salesman who excels in the United States may not possess the cultural knowledge needed to succeed in China or Brazil. Different cultures, laws, and market conditions make international operation a complicated process of system engineering. A manager must develop working teams that have the skills necessary to interact with people throughout the world. It is therefore the duty of the manager to establish which strategies work best, and then follow with appropriate policies in international marketing, finance, and human resource.
This is an ongoing27 task that requires continual monitoring of new advances in the business world. A manager must shape his company into a flexible organization that can learn from and respond to fast-changing environments. Another critical aspect of success is the proper placement of technological28 developments within the corporation. Technology enables a manager to direct and control operations in a multitude of business environments. And with the growing availability of technology to all competitors, a manager must properly implement29 technological initiatives to give his company a market advantage. In a world fraught with intense competition, ideas are the ultimate tool of a successful corporation. In order to be recognized and chosen by customers, a company must be both creative and unique. A manager’s responsibility thus includes stimulating new ideas and innovations that will push the company forward in the marketplace.
In the field of finance, globalization compels managers to make decisions in the shadow of uncertainty. Numerous forces affect international capital markets. As the markets become more and more integrated, changes in one region will initiate30 chain reactions that can eventually affect all others. One such example is the Asian currency crisis of 1997, which is still affecting the world’s economy today. However, as the world moves toward common standards of financial governance and market valuation, new opportunities have arisen for international financial operations. Financial managers must therefore look for innovative ways to manage risk. Every global corporation will have to address the cultural and legal differences among countries to protect corporate assets and earnings. This requires that the financial manager play a larger role in the company’s decision-making process to develop strategies that address these concerns. He must keep abreast31 of new resources for international financing that arise from improvements in the financial service industry. Globalization has also triggered new operation standards. Citigroup, for instance, is a one-stop destination for finance services that include commercial banking, investment banking, insurance, and retail32 brokerage. Much like traditional industries where returns to scale are critical to achieving maximum profitability, Citigroup demonstrates that providing such a variety of options to customers ensures a continued revenue stream.
Tackling the global economy is a task every manager must be prepared to meet. In addition to knowledge of international business, he must have such skills as leadership, communication and organization, as well as the ability to guide his company through any form of change. As the leader in global management education, Sloan is uniquely positioned to equip its students with cutting-edge business knowledge and skills. In addition, the school's international environment grants first-hand exposure to how people of different cultures think, act and communicate. Acquiring these crucial skills is the key to any future that involves globalization.
Essay 2:
No MBA program can be truly exceptional unless it fulfills33 three crucial criteria34. First, it must pursue constant innovation and improvement in its business education. Additionally, it must also address international issues that will prepare students for the challenges of working in a global economy. Lastly, it must combine theoretical training with practical business skills, thereby35 allowing students to keep abreast of current trends and to master every nuance36 of management.
The Carroll School not only meets these criteria, but also adds to them the strengths of creativity and flexibility. For years, its MBA program has given students the cutting-edge experience needed to succeed, as well as superior preparation for handling the most complicated of business operations. Yet the Carroll School’s education is not confined to the classroom. In addition to exceptional instruction on campus, each student receives the opportunity to develop a real-world understanding of the inner workings of a business environment. The Carroll School’s extensive list of business associations and its alumni network provide ample scope for gaining invaluable37 hands-on experience. It is therefore no wonder that its MBA program is renowned38 for molding trailblazers in business and financial management. Furthermore, the Carroll School is truly committed to building global managerial skills. Its dedication39 to international education extends beyond its highly rated focus on international issues to the actual atmosphere of the school. The diversity of cultures and backgrounds in the student body is a constant source of experience in the habits and attitudes of other peoples. This both strengthens global thinking and lays the foundation for an effective future as a manager in an international economy.
I feel confident that the Carroll School’s MBA program will prepare me for a successful career in financial consulting, and look forward to the opportunities it will afford me in the years to come.
收听单词发音 
