In downtown New York, at a somewhat trashy apartment, there lived a man named Howard. He was a young man, in his mid-twenties, and had a terrible fear of cockroaches². Well if you've been to New York, and maybe live or stayed in a rundown hotel, you know how many cockroaches there are. Too many to count!

 

Howie had just come home from work and was looking for a bit of relaxation³. All he wanted to do was get a bowl of ice cream, sit down and read the newspaper. He started raiding the messy cabinets and sink to look for a bowl and a spoon. He found the bowl, got out the ice cream and opened a drawer to get the spoon when, Surprise!! Out jumps a big juicy cockroach¹. After jumping twenty feet in the air and grabbing a spoon out of the drawer, he sat down to calm himself. "God forsaken⁴ roaches!" he yelled, while slowing his heartbeat, just as another cockroach crawled between his feet. "There's got to be something I can do to get rid of them." Just then, as he was getting his ice cream and reading ads in the paper, one specific ad caught his eye. "Got Roaches? We have a solution! Come down to Sam's Pet Club today and get yourself the natural predator⁵ of the roaches, a Gecko！"

 

"What in the world?" Howard thought. He read on: "That's right! A gecko! Follow the directions below to get your very own live cockroach eliminator! Then ask our friendly staff how to care for and what to do to get rid of your cockroaches." "Ya right. That gecko will probably eat me while I sleep." he said as yet another roach scuttled⁶ across the floor. He felt sick. He thought it was worth a try, so the very next day he followed the directions on the ad to the pet store.

 

He asked about the geckos and the staff told him what to do with a gecko and how much they were and, soon enough, he was driving home with his very own gecko. "Great," he thought "yet another little critter that is going to be loitering around in my house."

 

He got home and did just as the woman at the store told him to do, and let the gecko go. He saw the gecko run under the refrigerator after the nearest cockroach it saw. "Well, at least he is doing his job." he said after he heard the loud "GECKO, GECKO," sound that geckos make when they swallow.

 

Days went by, and Howard saw fewer and fewer roaches. He didn't like the gecko running around his house all the time, but what's one gecko to a thousand roaches? He shrugged⁷ it off, and tried to suck it up. One thing he did do, however, was close the door before he went to bed. But no matter what he did, somehow the lizard⁸ always got into his room.

 

One day after work, he was getting some dinner when he saw the gecko chase one of the last cockroaches on the house under the refrigerator. He saw the cockroach scurry⁹ under it with the gecko far behind struggling to go under. That's when Harold realized. It was getting bigger. That night he did everything he could to keep the Gecko out of his room. He fell into a deep sleep.

 

All the police found the next morning was a small stain on the bed that looked like blood. They searched everywhere in the house for Harold after a worried neighbor heard a slight scream and a haunting "GECKO, GECKO," that morning, but no one could find anything. No Harold, No Gecko, No cockroaches, nothing. They left that house confused and wondering, never to see Harold again. The only place they didn't check was under the bed, where the gecko was - big as ever, and full at last.

 

有个人名叫霍华德，住在纽约市区一座卫生状况很糟糕的公寓里面。他很年轻，也就二十四五岁，但是怕蟑螂怕得要死。其实，只要你去过纽约并且在那种很差的小旅馆住过或者呆过一会儿，你就会知道那里到底有多少蟑螂了，简直不计其数！

 

有一天霍华德下班刚刚到家，想要放松一下，其实他想做的全部事情也就是吃碗冰淇淋、坐下歇会儿看看今天的报纸。他在又脏又乱的壁橱里面翻腾着，想找个碗和勺子。但是他只找到了碗，于是他把冰淇淋倒进去，然后打开抽屉拿勺子，噢天哪！跳出来一只浑身湿漉漉的大蟑螂，吓得他一蹦有二十尺高。胡乱地抓了一个勺子，他坐下来让自己平静一下。“上帝啊，求你赶走这些蟑螂吧！”他大叫着，心怦怦的跳。还没有平静下来，这时另外一只蟑螂又从他两腿之间爬过去。“总会有办法能够解决掉你们的！”他喃喃地说。吃着冰淇淋，他一边看着报上的广告，其中的一则引起了他的注意。“你家有蟑螂吗？我们有办法！快来萨姆宠物商店，我们出售蟑螂的天敌——壁虎！”

 

“这到底是什么呀？”霍华德一边想着一边继续往下看，“没错，就是壁虎！跟着下面这个地址，你就能拥有活生生的灭蟑器！我们热情的员工会告诉你该怎样饲养这种壁虎，到时你将再也不会受到蟑螂的困扰了。”“天哪，这么一只壁虎都能在我睡觉的时候把我给吃了！”他自言自语道，这时又有一只蟑螂从地板上快速的爬过去，他感到一阵恶心，随即认为值得去尝试一下买只壁虎来，因此第二天马上就按照地址来到了那家宠物商店。

 

他询问了关于壁虎的事情，店员告诉他关于饲养的注意事项以及价格方面的事情，过了没一会儿他就和自己的壁虎开车回家了。“太棒了，”他心里想，“马上就会有另外一种小生物天天在家里溜达了。”

 

他到了家，按照商店女营业员所说的那样把壁虎放了出来。壁虎看见了身旁最近的一只蟑螂后马上就跟着钻到冰箱底下去了，随即他听见一阵很大的声音“咕咚! 咕咚!”，像是壁虎吞下蟑螂的时候发出来的。“好，至少它已经开始工作了。

 

日子一天天过去，霍华德家的蟑螂越来越少。其实他并不喜欢壁虎天天在家里跑来跑去的，但是如果不那样的话一只壁虎怎么对付一千只蟑螂呢（但相对于容忍上千只蟑螂来说，一只壁虎又算得了什么呢）？他也只有耸耸肩，尽量去适应了。不过有一件事他还是一直坚持做的，那就是每天睡觉前都会关上房门。但是无论他怎样做，壁虎也总是有办法进入他的房间。

 

一天下班后他正在吃晚饭，只见壁虎正在冰箱底下追着一只蟑螂，眼下屋子里已经没有多少了。蟑螂急匆匆的从冰箱底下跑过去，壁虎在后面也努力的想要钻过去。这时霍华德才注意到，他的壁虎长大了。那天晚上他想尽了办法才把壁虎挡在房门外，随后就沉沉的睡去了。

 

转天早上，警察在床上只发现了一小块污渍，似乎是血迹。有个邻居早晨隐约听到一声尖叫以及让他印象深刻的“咕咚、咕咚”声后报了警，他们为了找到霍华德于是搜遍了整间屋子，但是什么也没发现。没有霍华德、没有壁虎、没有蟑螂，什么都没有。他们满腹狐疑的离开了，但是从此再也没见到霍华德。只有一个地方他们没有检查，那就是床底下，壁虎其实就在那儿——还是那么大，但是终于吃饱了。

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