Old Hildebrand

Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm

　　Once upon a time there was a peasant whose wife appealed to the village priest. The priest wanted ever so much to spend an entire day alone with her, and the peasant's wife was quite willing.

　　One day he said to her, "Listen, dear woman, I've thought it through, and I know how the two of us can spend an entire day together. On Wednesday tell your husband that you are sick and lie down in bed moaning and groaning¹. Carry on like that until Sunday, when in my sermon I will preach that if anyone has a sick child at home, a sick husband, a sick wife, a sick father, a sick mother, a sick sister, brother, or anyone else, then that person should make a pilgrimage to Mount Cuckoo in Italy. There, for a kreuzer, one can get a peck of laurel leaves, and this person's sick child, sick husband, sick wife, sick father, sick mother, sick sister, brother, or anyone else, will be healed on the spot."

　　"I'll do it," said the peasant's wife. So on Wednesday she went to bed, moaning and groaning. Her husband did everything for her that he could think of, but nothing helped. Sunday arrived, and the peasant's wife said, "I'm so miserable² that I must be near death, but before I die, I would like to hear the sermon that the priest is going to give today."

　　The peasant answered, "Oh, my child, you can't go out. If you get up it might make you worse. Look, I'll go to church and pay close attention and tell you everything that the priest says."

　　"Good," said the peasant's wife. "Go and pay close attention, and then tell me everything that you have heard."

　　So the peasant went to church, and the priest began to preach, saying that if anyone had a sick child at home, a sick husband, a sick wife, a sick father, a sick mother, a sick sister, brother, or anyone else, then that person should make a pilgrimage to Mount Cuckoo in Italy, where a peck of laurel leaves costs one kreuzer, and this person's sick child, sick husband, sick wife, sick father, sick mother, sick sister, brother, or anyone else, will be healed on the spot, and that anyone who might want to undertake this trip should come to him after the mass, and he would give him a sack for the laurel leaves and a kreuzer.

　　No one was happier than the peasant, and immediately following the mass he went to the priest and asked for the laurel sack and the kreuzer. Then he went home, and even before going inside called out, "Hurrah³! My dear wife, you are just as good as cured. The priest preached today that whoever has a sick child at home, a sick husband, a sick wife, a sick father, a sick mother, a sick sister, brother, or anyone else, then that person should make a pilgrimage to Mount Cuckoo in Italy, where a peck of laurel leaves costs one kreuzer, and this person's sick child, sick husband, sick wife, sick father, sick mother, sick sister, brother, or anyone else, will be healed on the spot, and I got the laurel sack and the kreuzer from the priest, and am going to take off immediately, so you can get better as soon as possible." And with that he set forth⁴.

　　He had scarcely left before his wife got out of bed, and the priest arrived. But let's leave them for awhile and see what happened to the peasant. He was hurrying along in order to arrive at Mount Cuckoo as soon as possible, when he met a kinsman⁵. Now this kinsman was an egg man, who was just returning from market, where he had sold his eggs.

　　"Bless you!" said the kinsman. "Where are you off to in such a hurry?"

　　"In all eternity⁶!" said the peasant. "My wife has become sick, and today in the priest's sermon I heard that if anyone has a sick child at home, a sick husband, a sick wife, a sick father, a sick mother, a sick sister, brother, or anyone else, then that person should make a pilgrimage to Mount Cuckoo in Italy, where a peck of laurel leaves costs one kreuzer, and this person's sick child, sick husband, sick wife, sick father, sick mother, sick sister, brother, or anyone else, will be healed on the spot, and I got the laurel sack and the kreuzer from the priest, and now I am on my way."

　　"Listen, kinsman," said the peasant's kinsman. "Don't be so simple as to believe that. Do you know what? The priest wants to spend an entire day alone with your wife. He has given you this task just to get you out from under his feet."

　　"My!" the peasant said. "How I would like to know if that is true!"

　　"Do you know what?" said his kinsman, "Just climb into my egg basket, and I will carry you home, and you can see for yourself."

　　And that is just what happened. The peasant got into the egg basket, and his kinsman carried him home. When they arrived there, the good times had already started. The peasant's wife had slaughtered⁷ almost everything in the farmyard and had made pancakes, and the priest was there with his fiddle⁸. The kinsman knocked at the door, and the peasant's wife asked who was there.

　　"It's me, kinswoman," said the kinsman. "Can you give me shelter for the night? I did not sell my eggs at the market, so now I have to carry them back home, but they are too heavy, and I can't make it. It is already dark."

　　"Well," said the peasant's wife, "you have come at a very inconvenient⁹ time, but it can't be helped. Just sit down over there on the bench by the stove." So the kinsman took a seat on the bench and set his pack basket down beside him. And the priest and the peasant's wife proceeded to carry on.

　　After a while the priest said, "Listen, my dear woman, you are such a good singer. Sing something for me."

　　"No," said the peasant's wife, "I can't sing anymore. I could sing well when I was younger, but that's all behind me now."

　　"Oh," said the priest, "do sing just a little."

　　So the peasant's wife started to sing:

　　I sent my husband out, you see, To Mount Cuckoo in Italy!

　　And the priest sang back: I wish he'd stay away a year The laurel leaves don't interest me Hallelujah!

　　Then the kinsman chimed in (oh, I have to tell you that the peasant's name was Hildebrand), and sang out: Hey, you my kinsman Hildebrand, What are you doing on that bench? Hallelujah!

　　The peasant, from inside the basket, sang forth: This singing I can bear no more, Here I come! Trala tralore!

　　With that he jumped from the basket, and with blows he drove the priest out of the house.

　　从前有一个农夫和他的老婆，村里的牧师迷恋着他的老婆，早就希望和她痛痛快快地过一天，农夫的老婆也有此意。一天，牧师对农妇说：「听着，我的朋友，我想出一招，我们可以痛痛快快地在一起过一天。我来告诉你，礼拜三那天，你必须躺在床上别起来，告诉你丈夫你病了，使劲呻吟，就跟真的病了一样，你一直得装病装到礼拜天，那天我要布道，在布道中我会说无论谁家里有生病的孩子、生病的丈夫、生病的老婆、生病的父亲、生病的母亲、生病的兄弟姐妹或其他任何的病人，谁就要去意大利的高克利山朝圣，在那里用一个铜板买一配克的桂树叶，生病的孩子、生病的丈夫、生病的老婆、生病的父亲、生病的母亲、生病的兄弟姐妹或其他任何的病人马上就能药到病除，恢复健康。」

　　「我会想法子的。」农妇立即答应。礼拜三一到，农妇就按商定的办法躺在床上大声地呻吟，不停地折腾，她的丈夫为她想尽了办法，可丝毫不见效，礼拜天到了，农妇嘱咐：「我已经病入膏肓，来日不多了，我想在临死前作一件事，就是聆听牧师今天的布道。」农夫闻言道：「啊哈，我的宝贝，你可不能动，如果你起来，你的身体会更糟糕的。这样吧，我去参加布道，我会仔细听的，然后把牧师的话一字不漏地告诉你。」

　　「那好啊，」农妇说：「去吧，用心听，回来后给我重複一遍。」农夫去听布道，牧师讲无论谁家里有生病的孩子、生病的丈夫、生病的老婆、生病的父亲、生病的母亲、生病的兄弟姐妹或其他任何的病人，谁就该去意大利的高克利山朝圣，在那里用一个铜板买一配克的桂树叶，生病的孩子、生病的丈夫、生病的老婆、生病的父亲、生病的母亲、生病的兄弟姐妹或其他任何病人马上就能药到病除，恢复健康。谁要去朝圣，弥撒完后找他，他会提供装桂树叶的口袋和铜板。听完牧师的一番话，最高兴的就数农夫了，他随即找到牧师，拿到装桂树叶的口袋和铜板。事情办妥后，他就往家走，还没进家门就喊道：「哈哈！亲爱的老婆，现在你简直就跟病好了一样！牧师在布道中说无论谁家里有生病的孩子、生病的丈夫、生病的老婆、生病的父亲、生病的母亲、生病的兄弟姐妹或其他任何病人，谁就要去意大利的高克利山朝圣，在那里用一个铜板买一配克的桂树叶，生病的孩子、生病的丈夫、生病的老婆、生病的父亲、生病的母亲、生病的兄弟姐妹或其他任何病人马上就会药到病除，恢复健康，我现在已经从牧师那儿拿到口袋和铜板，为了你早日康复，我这就起程。」说完他就走了。他刚刚离去，牧师就到了，牧师进来的时候，农妇还没起来。

　　放下这一对暂且不提，先去看看农夫，他步履如飞，分秒不停，为了早到高克利山心急如焚，半路上遇到了他的侃山老友。他的侃友是个作鸡蛋生意的，他刚在市场卖完鸡蛋出来。「上帝保佑，」侃友问道：「你这么着急是上哪儿去呀？」「感谢上帝，我的朋友，」农夫答：「我的老婆生病了，我今天去听了牧师的布道，他讲无论谁家里有生病的孩子、生病的丈夫、生病的老婆、生病的父亲、生病的母亲、生病的兄弟姐妹或其他任何病人，谁就要去意大利的高克利山朝圣，在那里用一个铜板买一配克的桂树叶，生病的孩子、生病的丈夫、生病的老婆、生病的父亲、生病的母亲、生病的兄弟姐妹或其他任何病人马上就会药到病除，恢复健康，我已经从牧师那儿拿到口袋和铜板，现在去朝圣。」「听着，侃友，」鸡蛋贩子对农夫说，「你是真的傻到连这种鬼话都相信吗？你知道那意味甚么吗？牧师想和你老婆单独风流一天，不愿意被别人看见，所以他编造了个借口把你支开。」

　　「天地良心！」农夫叫道：「我不能相信这是真的！」「过来，」侃友说：「我告诉你怎么做。坐进我的鸡蛋筐里，我把你背回家，到时你自己看吧。」事情就这么定了，侃友把农夫放到筐里，背着他往家走。

　　当他们到家时，啊哈！这里可真是热闹非凡呀！农家院里的家禽几乎都被农妇杀光了，她还烙了薄饼，牧师也在场，他随身带着提琴。侃友敲敲门，农妇问道是谁。「是我，侃友，」鸡蛋贩子答道，「我想借住一宿。鸡蛋在市场上没卖掉，我只好把鸡蛋背回家，天已经黑了，而且鸡蛋太沉，我实在背不动啦。」

　　「可真是的，我的朋友，」农妇说：「你来得太不凑巧了，可是你已经到了这儿，没办法。进来吧，坐在火炉边上的板凳上歇歇脚吧。」然后她把侃友和他背上的筐子安置到火炉旁边的板凳上。牧师和农妇享尽风流，无比快乐，最后，牧师提议：「听着，我亲爱的朋友，你的歌唱得很好听，给我唱首歌吧。」「噢，」农妇说，「我现在唱不了。年轻的时候，我的确唱得不错，可那个时代已经是一去不复返啦。」

　　「来吧，」牧师再次请求，「唱首情歌。」

　　农妇不再坚持，她开始唱道：

　　「意大利有座山叫高克利，我把我的丈夫支到那里。」

　　接着是牧师唱：

　　「我希望他离去一年不回，桂树叶口袋归他我永远不想。

　　哈里路亚。」

　　这时在后房的侃友开始唱（我得告诉你那农夫叫希尔德布朗），侃友唱到道：

　　「你在干甚么，我亲爱的希尔德布朗，你准备在火炉边的凳子上呆上多长？

　　哈里路亚。」

　　然后农夫在筐子里也跟着唱：

　　「今天我唱歌是气不打一处来，在这筐里我是一刻也不想呆。

　　哈里路亚。」

　　一边唱，他一边从筐子里爬了出来，用鞭子将牧师抽出门外。