Doctor Know-All

Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm

　　Once upon a time there was a poor peasant by the name of Crab¹ who drove two oxen with a load of wood into town where he sold it to a doctor for two thalers. He received his money just as the doctor was sitting down to eat. When the peasant saw how well the doctor ate and drank, his heart took a longing² for the same things, and he decided³ that he would like to have been a doctor. He stood there for a while, and then asked if he too could not become a doctor.

　　"Certainly," said the doctor, "in no time at all."

　　"What do I have to do?" asked the peasant.

　　First of all, buy yourself an ABC-book, one that has a picture of a rooster up front. Second, sell your wagon⁴ and your two oxen and buy yourself some clothing and other things that doctors use. Third, have yourself a sign painted with the words 'I am Doctor Know-All' and nail it above the door to your house."

　　The peasant did everything he was told to do. After he had doctored a little —— but not very much —— some money was stolen from a great and wealthy nobleman. Someone told him about the Doctor Know-All who lived in such and such a village, and who must know where the money had gone. So the nobleman had his carriage hitched⁵ up, rode out to the village, and asked him if he were Doctor Know-All.

　　"Yes, that I am."

　　"Then you must come with me and recover my stolen money."

　　"Yes, but my wife Grete must come along too."

　　The nobleman agreed and had them take their places in his carriage. They rode away together.

　　They arrived at the nobleman's court just at mealtime, and the nobleman invited him to eat.

　　"Yes, but include my wife Grete," he replied, and the two of them sat down behind the table.

　　When the first servant brought out a platter of fine food the peasant nudged his wife and said, "Grete, that's the first one," meaning the meal's first course.

　　However, the servant thought that he meant, "That's the first thief," and because that is indeed what he was, he took fright, and outside he said to his comrades, "The doctor knows everything. It's going to go badly for us. He said that I'm the first one."

　　The second one did not want to go inside at all, but finally he had to, and when he entered, the peasant nudged his wife and said, "Grete, that's the second one."

　　This servant took fright as well, and went outside. It did not go any better for the third one. Once again the peasant said, "Grete, that's the third one."

　　The fourth one brought in a covered platter, and the nobleman told the doctor that he should demonstrate his art by guessing what it contained. It was crabs⁶. The peasant looked at the platter, and seeing no way out of his dilemma⁷, he said to himself, "Oh, poor Crab!"

　　Hearing this, the nobleman called out, "If he knows that then he must know who has the money as well!"

　　The servant grew very fearful and motioned to the doctor to go outside. There all four of them confessed to him that they had stolen the money. They offered to give it all to him and a handsome sum in addition, if he would not turn them in. Otherwise they would all hang. They showed him where the money was hidden. The doctor was satisfied with this, and he went back inside and sat down again at the table.

　　"My lord," he said, "Now I will look in my book to see where the money is hidden.

　　However, the fifth servant climbed into the stove in order to hear if the doctor knew anything else. The doctor leafed back and forth⁸ in his book looking for the picture of the rooster. Not finding it, he said, "I know that you are in there. Come on out."

　　The man in the stove thought that the doctor was talking to him, and terrified, he jumped out, saying, "The man knows everything!"

　　Then Doctor Know-All showed the nobleman where the money was, but he did not tell who had stolen it. Thus he received a large reward from each side and became a famous man.

　    从前有一个贫穷的农夫名叫螃蟹，赶着两头牛拉了一车木头进城，以二个金币的价格将木头卖给了一个大夫。大夫一边给他点钱，一边坐在桌旁吃饭，农夫看见大夫的饭菜如此丰盛，从内心感到羨慕，心想如果自己也是大夫该多好。他站在那里楞了一会儿，终於不好意思地问他是否也能当一名大夫。「噢，可以，」大夫说：「那很好办。」「我该作甚么？」农夫接着问。「首先买一本卷首有一只公鸡的入门书；然后将你的牛车和两头牛换成钱，给自己买些衣服和随便一些与医药有关的物品；最后做一块招牌上面写着：'我是万事通大夫，'钉在你的门上边。」农夫照此作好了一切，便开始行医治病。时间不长，有一个大财主的钱财被盗，听说在某某村庄有个万事通大夫，他想他一定知道被盗的钱财在哪里。於是大财主套上马车，驱车奔向那个村庄，问螃蟹是不是万事通大夫。没错，我就是，他答道。财主邀请他同去把被偷盗的钱财找回来。「噢，可以，可是我的老婆，革里特也必须去。'」财主同意了，请他们二人上车，一同上了路。当他们到了那位大人物的豪宅时，餐桌已经摆好，螃蟹被邀请入座就餐。「好吧，可是我的老婆，革里特也得入座呀。」他说，然后和他的老婆一块坐在了桌旁。这时第一个仆人端着一盘精美的菜餚进来，农夫用胳膊肘推了他老婆一下说：「革里特，这是第一个。」他的意思是这是第一道菜。然而那个仆人却以为是说：「这是第一个贼。」实际上他就是贼，所以他十分害怕，跟外边的同夥说：「大夫全都知道，我们可要倒霉啦，他说我是第一个。」第二个不敢进来了，可是他不得不进来。当他端着菜进来时，农夫用胳膊肘推了他老婆一下说：「革里特，这是第二个。」这个仆人同样吓得不轻，马上抽身出来了。第三个也是被吓得心惊肉跳，因为农夫又说了声：「革里特，这是第三个。」第四个端着一个盖着盖子的盘子，财主请大夫显示一下他的才能，猜猜盖子底下是甚么。盘子里装的是螃蟹。大夫盯着盘子看，可是实在不知说甚么好，他哀歎道：「唉，可怜的螃蟹呀。」财主一听就大喊：「太棒啦！他知道里面是甚么，他一定也知道钱在哪儿！」

　　看到这一切，仆人们的神色格外紧张，他们暗示大夫能不能出去一小会儿。於是他就出去了，四个仆人都坦白说是他们偷了钱，并且许诺如果他不揭发他们，他们愿意将钱还回而且给他一大笔钱作为酬谢，否则他们会被绞死。他们带他到了藏钱的地方。他胸有成竹地回到大厅，在桌旁落座后说道：「我的老爷，现在我要从我的书中查找藏金子的地方。」这时，第五个仆人爬进壁炉里想听听大夫还知道些甚么。可是大夫坐着一动不动，打开他的入门书，将书页来回翻着，寻找那只公鸡。由於一时找不着，他就说：「我知道你就在那儿，所以你最好是自己出来！」那位在壁炉里的老兄误认为大夫是指他，真是惊恐万分，一下子跳了出来，使劲嚷：「那个人真是神掐妙算，无所不知！」这时万事通大夫告诉了财主藏钱的地方，却没有告诉他是谁偷的，结果双方都给了他酬金，他也由此成了名人。