Giving Cats Pills_动物笑话

Giving Cats Pills

文章来源：文章作者：发布时间：2007-03-01 05:25 字体： [大中小]　进入论坛

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INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook¹ of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger² and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve³ pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand. Force jaws⁴ open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse⁵ from garden.

5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls⁶ emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

6. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth⁷ and set to one side for gluing later.

7. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

8. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

9. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick⁸ pill down throat with elastic⁹ band.

10. Fetch screwdriver¹⁰ from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

11. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving¹¹ to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

12. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine¹² and bind¹³ tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning¹⁴ gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically¹⁵ and pour 1/2 pint¹⁶ of water down throat to wash pill down.

13. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.

14. Arrange for vet¹⁷ to make a housecall.

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收听单词发音

1 crook
v.使弯曲；n.小偷，骗子，贼；弯曲(处)
参考例句：
He demanded an apology from me for calling him a crook.我骂他骗子，他要我向他认错。 She was cradling a small parcel in the crook of her elbow.她用手臂挎着一个小包裹。

2 forefinger
n.食指
参考例句：
He pinched the leaf between his thumb and forefinger.他将叶子捏在拇指和食指之间。 He held it between the tips of his thumb and forefinger.他用他大拇指和食指尖拿着它。

3 retrieve
vt.重新得到，收回；挽回，补救；检索
参考例句：
He was determined to retrieve his honor.他决心恢复名誉。 The men were trying to retrieve weapons left when the army abandoned the island.士兵们正试图找回军队从该岛撤退时留下的武器。

4 jaws
n.口部；嘴
参考例句：
The antelope could not escape the crocodile's gaping jaws. 那只羚羊无法从鱷鱼张开的大口中逃脱。 The scored jaws of a vise help it bite the work. 台钳上有刻痕的虎钳牙帮助它紧咬住工件。

5 spouse
n.配偶(指夫或妻)
参考例句：
Her spouse will come to see her on Sunday.她的丈夫星期天要来看她。 What is the best way to keep your spouse happy in the marriage?在婚姻中保持配偶幸福的最好方法是什么？

6 growls
v.（动物）发狺狺声，（雷）作隆隆声( growl的第三人称单数 )；低声咆哮着说
参考例句：
The dog growls at me. 狗向我狂吠。来自《现代英汉综合大词典》 The loudest growls have echoed around emerging markets and commodities. 熊嚎之声响彻新兴的市场与商品。来自互联网

7 hearth
n.壁炉炉床，壁炉地面
参考例句：
She came and sat in a chair before the hearth.她走过来，在炉子前面的椅子上坐下。 She comes to the hearth,and switches on the electric light there.她走到壁炉那里，打开电灯。

8 flick
n.快速的轻打，轻打声，弹开；v.轻弹，轻轻拂去，忽然摇动
参考例句：
He gave a flick of the whip.他轻抽一下鞭子。 By a flick of his whip,he drove the fly from the horse's head.他用鞭子轻抽了一下，将马头上的苍蝇驱走。

9 elastic
n.橡皮圈，松紧带；adj.有弹性的；灵活的
参考例句：
Rubber is an elastic material.橡胶是一种弹性材料。 These regulations are elastic.这些规定是有弹性的。

10 screwdriver
n.螺丝起子；伏特加橙汁鸡尾酒
参考例句：
He took a screwdriver and teased out the remaining screws.他拿出螺丝刀把其余的螺丝卸了下来。 The electric drill can also be used as a screwdriver.这把电钻也可用作螺丝刀。

11 swerving
v.（使）改变方向，改变目的( swerve的现在分词 )
参考例句：
It may stand as an example of the fitful swerving of his passion. 这是一个例子，说明他的情绪往往变化不定，忽冷忽热。来自辞典例句 Mrs Merkel would be foolish to placate her base by swerving right. 默克尔夫人如果为了安抚她的根基所在而转到右翼就太愚蠢了。来自互联网

12 twine
v.搓，织，编饰；（使）缠绕
参考例句：
He tied the parcel with twine.他用细绳捆包裹。 Their cardboard boxes were wrapped and tied neatly with waxed twine.他们的纸板盒用蜡线扎得整整齐齐。

13 bind
vt.捆，包扎；装订；约束；使凝固；vi.变硬
参考例句：
I will let the waiter bind up the parcel for you.我让服务生帮你把包裹包起来。 He wants a shirt that does not bind him.他要一件不使他觉得过紧的衬衫。

14 pruning
n.修枝，剪枝，修剪v.修剪（树木等）( prune的现在分词 )；精简某事物，除去某事物多余的部分
参考例句：
In writing an essay one must do a lot of pruning. 写文章要下一番剪裁的工夫。来自《现代汉英综合大词典》 A sapling needs pruning, a child discipline. 小树要砍，小孩要管。来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

15 vertically
adv.垂直地
参考例句：
Line the pages for the graph both horizontally and vertically.在这几页上同时画上横线和竖线，以便制作图表。 The human brain is divided vertically down the middle into two hemispheres.人脑从中央垂直地分为两半球。

16 pint
n.品脱
参考例句：
I'll have a pint of beer and a packet of crisps, please.我要一品脱啤酒和一袋炸马铃薯片。 In the old days you could get a pint of beer for a shilling.从前，花一先令就可以买到一品脱啤酒。

17 vet
n.兽医，退役军人；vt.检查
参考例句：
I took my dog to the vet.我把狗带到兽医诊所看病。 Someone should vet this report before it goes out.这篇报道发表之前应该有人对它进行详查。

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