A guide to walking tigers_动物笑话

A guide to walking tigers

文章来源：文章作者：发布时间：2007-01-29 01:13 字体： [大中小]　进入论坛

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Tigers really are as big and poofy and soft as they look, and they purr like a freight train going by. You find this out by taking one for a walk. To take a tiger for a walk, you first need a tiger. Tigers fresh from the bush are not recommended for the inexperienced. What you need is one who's used to the procedure. He or she is thus liable to be merely playful, rather than actively¹ irritated. You also need a friend, whom you really, really trust. The friend carries an apple wood cane²; apple, or some other wood which will bend under stress rather than shattering. This, friend, is your backup, and the cane is his or her only tool for everything, from knocking stuff out of the way that the tiger is liable to eat, to crowd control, to hooking on and madly hanging on if things go wrong.

What YOU carry is a ten foot length of pass-link chain. This is your leash³.

Pass-link chain is the stuff where the links will fit through each other. This is important. You need this so you can hook on a safety clip. The chain is looped about the tiger's neck and acks as a giant choke-chain, but the clip is there to keep a loop of some sort in case things go badly wrong. You carry the chain looped in one hand in a peculiar⁴ fashion which permits the whole length of chain to be dragged from your hand without taking your hand and/or arm with it. You practice this beforehand till you're sure you've got it right.

Then you go into the cage with the tiger. Your friend does not. You gauge⁵ the tiger's mood and put the leash on the tiger. There isn't a whole lot more to say about this step except to say that that is why your friend is there, OUTside the cage. On your side is the fact that the tiger knows what the leash is for by this time and presumably is largely in favor of the idea.

This is where you find out that tigers are soft and poofy. They are also much, much larger than you had ever dreamed, when you're standing⁶ next to one.

Then you take the tiger for a walk. Your friend walks in front with the cane to clear the way. You walk with the tiger at your side, keeping pretty good control and letting the tiger know that you are Paying Attention, because if the tiger thinks you are not Paying Attention, it will do what housecats do, let you know that you should be Paying Attention. Unlike housecats, the tiger is big enough not to have to do anything truly outrageous⁷ to rectify⁸ the situation. Reaching behind you with one forepaw and sweeping⁹ your legs out from under you is generally considered good enough by most tigers. They think this is hilarious¹⁰. To this extent, tigers differ from housecats in that they seem to have a sense of humor.

It is possible that the tiger will see something that it wants. In this case, the tiger will go where it wants to go, and your job is to stop it. This is generally done by wrapping the chain around something that you pass, as the tiger drags you away. This will slow it down enough for your friend to jump on top of you and grab the chain as you go bulleting across the countryside. The weight of two adult humans will generally slow a tiger down enough to make things manageable, whereas one will not.

It is not usual for the tiger to react to freedom by turning around and turning you into fajitas, though this would actually (at least in the short term) be an eminently¹¹ practical thing for the tiger to do. They enjoy their fun but are generally not ill-tempered. If they are they don't get taken for walks.

They also purr like a freight train passing. Experts in the field claim that this is not purring, that it means something else, but you couldn't put it by me. Sure sounded like purring, at 16-2/3 RPM, but it sounded like purring.

All in all, an experience I highly recommend as a lifetime source of cocktail¹² party conversation, but it sort of tends to leave you limp for the rest of the day.

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收听单词发音

1 actively
adv.积极地，勤奋地
参考例句：
During this period all the students were actively participating.在这节课中所有的学生都积极参加。 We are actively intervening to settle a quarrel.我们正在积极调解争执。

2 cane
n.手杖，细长的茎，藤条；v.以杖击，以藤编制的
参考例句：
This sugar cane is quite a sweet and juicy.这甘蔗既甜又多汁。 English schoolmasters used to cane the boys as a punishment.英国小学老师过去常用教鞭打男学生作为惩罚。

3 leash
n.牵狗的皮带，束缚；v.用皮带系住
参考例句：
I reached for the leash,but the dog got in between.我伸手去拿系狗绳，但被狗挡住了路。 The dog strains at the leash,eager to be off.狗拼命地扯拉皮带，想挣脱开去。

4 peculiar
adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的
参考例句：
He walks in a peculiar fashion.他走路的样子很奇特。 He looked at me with a very peculiar expression.他用一种很奇怪的表情看着我。

5 gauge
v.精确计量；估计；n.标准度量；计量器
参考例句：
Can you gauge what her reaction is likely to be?你能揣测她的反应可能是什么吗？ It's difficult to gauge one's character.要判断一个人的品格是很困难的。

6 standing
n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的
参考例句：
After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。 They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

7 outrageous
adj.无理的，令人不能容忍的
参考例句：
Her outrageous behaviour at the party offended everyone.她在聚会上的无礼行为触怒了每一个人。 Charges for local telephone calls are particularly outrageous.本地电话资费贵得出奇。

8 rectify
v.订正，矫正，改正
参考例句：
The matter will rectify itself in a few days.那件事过几天就会变好。 You can rectify this fault if you insert a slash.插人一条斜线便可以纠正此错误。

9 sweeping
adj.范围广大的，一扫无遗的
参考例句：
The citizens voted for sweeping reforms.公民投票支持全面的改革。 Can you hear the wind sweeping through the branches?你能听到风掠过树枝的声音吗？

10 hilarious
adj.充满笑声的，欢闹的；[反]depressed
参考例句：
The party got quite hilarious after they brought more wine.在他们又拿来更多的酒之后，派对变得更加热闹起来。 We stop laughing because the show was so hilarious.我们笑个不停，因为那个节目太搞笑了。

11 eminently
adv.突出地；显著地；不寻常地
参考例句：
She seems eminently suitable for the job. 她看来非常适合这个工作。 It was an eminently respectable boarding school. 这是所非常好的寄宿学校。来自《简明英汉词典》

12 cocktail
n.鸡尾酒；餐前开胃小吃；混合物
参考例句：
We invited some foreign friends for a cocktail party.我们邀请了一些外国朋友参加鸡尾酒会。 At a cocktail party in Hollywood,I was introduced to Charlie Chaplin.在好莱坞的一次鸡尾酒会上，人家把我介绍给查理·卓别林。

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