A human's chalkboard assignments_动物笑话

A human's chalkboard assignments

文章来源：文章作者：发布时间：2007-02-06 02:51 字体： [大中小]　进入论坛

(单词翻译:双击或拖选)

This list of chalkboard assignments may be used for your human when he does not behave well. The below variations and choices will help you pick an assignment for him/her.

1. I will not bathe my master after he bathes himself in the mud puddle¹.

2. I will not drag my master from the interesting sniffing² spots.

3. I will not complain "My arm is tired" after only throwing the ball 20 times.

4. I will not confuse my master by throwing snowballs for him to fetch.

5. I will not ask my master to play fetch with a boomerang.

6. I will drop whatever I'm doing and take my master out as soon as he asks me to.

7. I will get rid of those cats.

8. I will not tell my master to hurry up already when he's looking for just the right spot to take care of business.

9. I will make ice cream often and let my master lick the blades (rather than having to steal a lick or two).

10. I will never eat until my master has tasted what I have and approved it for me.

11. I will set up the kiddie pool every day it's hot - even in December.

12. I will not leave my master at home any time I go in the car.

13. I will share everything I eat with my master.

14. I will allow my master on the couch.

15. I will protect my master from that obnoxious³ little human thing at all times.

16. I will not have another of those obnoxious little human things.

17. I will not hide my master's ball in a place where I know he couldn't possibly retrieve⁴ it from and then ask him to go get it.

18. I will not sneak⁵ around the backyard wearing funny clothes to test whether my master is a good watchdog.

19. I will realize that all my guests are really coming to massage⁶ and stroke the master.

20. I will stop referring to my master's necklace as her "collar."

21. I will not cut my master's nails.

22. I will not take shredded⁷, soggy, yummy tennis balls away from my master.

23. I will not abandon my master for trivial reasons like "going to work".

24. I will not wake my master when I come home from work.

25. My master's desires are always paramount⁸. My master's wish is my command.

26. I will not bring home any more cats.

27. I will not stare while my master is doing his business.

28. Bad weather is no excuse for not walking my master.

29. I will open the back door as soon as my master sits by it.

30. I will not laugh at my master for being confused over not being able to find the lump of ice that he buried earlier.

31. I will let my master bring the rear end of a mouse which the cat kindly⁹ gave him to chew onto the lounge room carpet.

32. I will not push my master away when she wants a hug after playing in a mud puddle.

33. I will give my masters chewies that last throughout that stupid kid's entire piano practice.

34. I will not feed the cat before I feed my masters.

35. I will not enter shows held in horse barns and expect my master to be obedient.

36. Dog bladders are not large.

37. I will not yell at my master for creating "chew toys" from found objects.

38. I will not run out of treats.

39. I will {make a turkey/stuff a stocking/buy lots of presents} for my master.

40. I will not make my master wear silly-looking antlers or red hats.

41. I will not make my master pose for pictures with some fat stranger in a red suit.

42. I will not tie leftover¹⁰ ribbons and bows all over my master.

43. I will not use decorations like tinsel that could be dangerous to my master.

44. I will try much harder to understand my master's language.

45. I will not chase my master around yelling come! when he is socializing.

46. The ornaments¹¹ on the trees are balls. Really.

47. I will not ask my master to retire to his crate¹² anymore.

48. Give and leave it are useless request, so I will stop using them.

49. I will always carry cookies and treats.

50. I will never go socializing with other canines¹³ without my master.

51. I will not take my master back to that horrid¹⁴ SPCA; she says it is a Christmas party but I'm afraid she'll leave me there.

52. I will not order my master to get up out of the nice snow when he is obviously making snow angels and giving himself a coat conditioning.

53. I will give up any idea of dieting as it could wreck¹⁵ my master's nice comfy "chair".

54. I promise to leave all doors and windows in the house open as my masters might need to make a quick exit to eradicate¹⁶ cats from the yard.

55. I will not come home from work and feel the sofa to see if it is still warm from where my master was sleeping "illegally".

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收听单词发音

1 puddle
n.(雨)水坑，泥潭
参考例句：
The boy hopped the mud puddle and ran down the walk.这个男孩跳过泥坑，沿着人行道跑了。 She tripped over and landed in a puddle.她绊了一下，跌在水坑里。

2 sniffing
n.探查法v.以鼻吸气，嗅，闻( sniff的现在分词 )；抽鼻子（尤指哭泣、患感冒等时出声地用鼻子吸气）；抱怨，不以为然地说
参考例句：
We all had colds and couldn't stop sniffing and sneezing. 我们都感冒了，一个劲地抽鼻子，打喷嚏。 They all had colds and were sniffing and sneezing. 他们都伤风了，呼呼喘气而且打喷嚏。来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

3 obnoxious
adj.极恼人的，讨人厌的，可憎的
参考例句：
These fires produce really obnoxious fumes and smoke.这些火炉冒出来的烟气确实很难闻。 He is the most obnoxious man I know.他是我认识的最可憎的人。

4 retrieve
vt.重新得到，收回；挽回，补救；检索
参考例句：
He was determined to retrieve his honor.他决心恢复名誉。 The men were trying to retrieve weapons left when the army abandoned the island.士兵们正试图找回军队从该岛撤退时留下的武器。

5 sneak
vt.潜行(隐藏,填石缝)；偷偷摸摸做；n.潜行；adj.暗中进行
参考例句：
He raised his spear and sneak forward.他提起长矛悄悄地前进。 I saw him sneak away from us.我看见他悄悄地从我们身边走开。

6 massage
n.按摩，揉；vt.按摩，揉，美化，奉承，篡改数据
参考例句：
He is really quite skilled in doing massage.他的按摩技术确实不错。 Massage helps relieve the tension in one's muscles.按摩可使僵硬的肌肉松弛。

7 shredded
shred的过去式和过去分词
参考例句：
Serve the fish on a bed of shredded lettuce. 先铺一层碎生菜叶，再把鱼放上，就可以上桌了。 I think Mapo beancurd and shredded meat in chilli sauce are quite special. 我觉得麻婆豆腐和鱼香肉丝味道不错。来自《简明英汉词典》

8 paramount
a.最重要的，最高权力的
参考例句：
My paramount object is to save the Union and destroy slavery.我的最高目标是拯救美国，摧毁奴隶制度。 Nitrogen is of paramount importance to life on earth.氮对地球上的生命至关重要。

9 kindly
adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地
参考例句：
Her neighbours spoke of her as kindly and hospitable.她的邻居都说她和蔼可亲、热情好客。 A shadow passed over the kindly face of the old woman.一道阴影掠过老太太慈祥的面孔。

10 leftover
n.剩货，残留物，剩饭；adj.残余的
参考例句：
These narrow roads are a leftover from the days of horse-drawn carriages.这些小道是从马车时代沿用下来的。 Wonder if that bakery lets us take leftover home.不知道那家糕饼店会不会让我们把卖剩的带回家。

11 ornaments
n.装饰( ornament的名词复数 )；点缀；装饰品；首饰v.装饰，点缀，美化( ornament的第三人称单数 )
参考例句：
The shelves were chock-a-block with ornaments. 架子上堆满了装饰品。 Playing the piano sets up resonance in those glass ornaments. 一弹钢琴那些玻璃饰物就会产生共振。来自《简明英汉词典》

12 crate
vt.(up)把…装入箱中；n.板条箱，装货箱
参考例句：
We broke open the crate with a blow from the chopper.我们用斧头一敲就打开了板条箱。 The workers tightly packed the goods in the crate.工人们把货物严紧地包装在箱子里。

13 canines
n.犬齿( canine的名词复数 )；犬牙；犬科动物
参考例句：
For example, the teeth are more primitive. There are large canines and unusually shaped incisors. 譬如，牙齿更为原始，有大的犬齿和非常合适的门齿。来自辞典例句 Well-to-canines can attend doggy daycare centers while their owners work. 富人家的狗在主人上班的时候可以去狗狗托管中心。来自互联网

14 horrid
adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的
参考例句：
I'm not going to the horrid dinner party.我不打算去参加这次讨厌的宴会。 The medicine is horrid and she couldn't get it down.这种药很难吃，她咽不下去。

15 wreck
n.失事，遇难；沉船；vt.(船等)失事，遇难
参考例句：
Weather may have been a factor in the wreck.天气可能是造成这次失事的原因之一。 No one can wreck the friendship between us.没有人能够破坏我们之间的友谊。

16 eradicate
v.根除，消灭，杜绝
参考例句：
These insects are very difficult to eradicate.这些昆虫很难根除。 They are already battling to eradicate illnesses such as malaria and tetanus.他们已经在努力消灭疟疾、破伤风等疾病。

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