There are two guys in a bar...one says, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead!!!"

 

"Whoa, what the heck happened to him?" asks the other guy.

 

"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb¹, the car flipped² over and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."

 

"What a horrible way to die!" says the other guy.

 

"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."

 

"What a way to go, that's terrible!"

 

"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid³ air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."

 

"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"

 

"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh⁴, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."

 

"Man, what a way to go!"

 

"No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted -- 10,000 volts⁵ shot through him."

 

"Now that is one awful way to go!"

 

"No no, he survived that..."

 

"Hold on now, just how did he die?" asks the other guy.

 

"I shot him!" the first guy exclaims.

 

"You shot him? What the heck did you shoot him for?"

 

"The son of a gun was wrecking⁶ my house!"

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