XMAS IS CANCELLED

T'was the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable¹ little brats², ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap³ the whole works.

I've busted⁴ my ass⁵ for damn near a year.
Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night...
The elves want more money - The reindeer⁶ all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better,
Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter.

They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny.
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
And the kids these days - they all are the pits.
They want the impossible ...Those mean little sh*ts.

I spent a whole year making wagons⁷ and sleds,
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads,
I made a ton of yoyo's - No request for them...
They want computers and robots...they think I'm IBM.

Flying through the air...dodging⁸ the trees,
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees.
I'm quitting this job...there's just no enjoyment⁹.
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year...now you know the reason...
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season!

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