Cards for the "not so perfect" relationship:

You were meant for me, perhaps as a punishment.

I know how to push all my wife's buttons ... now if I could only find the one marked OFF!

I must admit, you brought religion in my life. I never believed in hell¹ until I met you.

Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: what the hell was I thinking?

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me.

They say that an attractive human body is worth a million dollars.
Looks like someone robbed your ugly ass².

When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise.

I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend.
So here's his leash³, water bowl and chew toys.

I'm so miserable⁴ without you, it's almost like you're here.