My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out,
What used to be my sex appeal,
Is now my water spout¹.

Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring,
But now I've got a full-time² job,
To find the blasted thing.

It used to be embarrassing,
The way it would behave,
For every single morning,
It would stand and watch me shave.

Now as old age approaches,
It sure gives me the blues,
To see it hang its little head,
And watch me tie my shoes!