Three men want to marry the king's most beautiful daughter.

The king agrees to give them a chance, but they must perform three difficult tasks: defeat an ogre, turn lead to gold, and screw¹ a cow.

The first man dies fighting the ogre, the second fails at turning lead to gold, but the third man successfully completes all three tasks.

"Congratulations!" says the king. "You may now have my daughter's hand in marriage."

"Screw that," says the man. "I want the cow."