A young man joined the army and signed up with the paratroopers.

He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an aeroplane.

The next day, he phoned his father to tell him the news.

"So, did you jump?" the father asked.

"Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the 'plane, and the Sergeant¹ opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the 'plane!"

"Is that when you jumped?" asked the father.

"Um, not yet. Then the Sergeant started to grab² the other men one at a time and throw them out the door."

"Did you jump then?" asked the father.

"I'm getting to that. Everyone else had jumped, and I was the last man left on the 'plane. I told the Sergeant that I was too scared to jump."

"He told me to get off the 'plane or he'd kick my arse."

"So, did you jump?"

"Not then. He tried to push me out of the 'plane, but I grabbed³ onto the door and refused to go."

"Finally he called over the Jump Master. The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 22 stone."

"He said to me, 'Boy, are you going to jump or not?'"

"I said, 'No, Sir. I'm too scared.' So the Jump Master pulled down his zip and took his penis out. I swear, it was about ten inches long!"

"He said, 'Boy, either you jump out of that door, or I'm sticking this up your arse.'"

"So, did you jump?" asked the father.

"Well, a little, at first."