Out in the pasture one lovely summer day, three bulls complained about the rumor¹ that their farmer had brought in another bull.

The Alpha bull said, "You know, since we settled our differences and split up the cows, I've been pretty happy with my 100 cows. This new guy's not going to get any of my cows!"

The second toughest bull said, "Yeah, well, since I only have 50 cows, I can't afford to share any of my cows with him either!"

The youngest bull said, "You only gave me 10 cows. No way is he getting one of mine!"

Just then the aforementioned new bull pranced² over the hill, the biggest, baddest bovine³ they've ever seen. He weighed over a ton, had horns four feet long, and the Earth shook beneath his mass.

Suddenly Alpha bull grew flexible. "Well, maybe I could spare a few cows."

The second bull said, "I wonder if I hung out over in that far corner of the pasture he'd leave me alone?"

But the small, teenage bull started snorting, pawing the ground, and shaking his fledgling horns in a highly confrontational⁴ manner.

Worried about their inexperienced friend, the two older bulls said, "Listen, son, it's not worth dying for! Just give the new guy half your cows."

"Hell, he can have them all if he wants them," said the young, snorting, pawing bull. "I just want to make sure that son'bitch knows I'm a bull!"