A young, attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail¹ party, so she walked over and asked him, "Major, when was the last time you had sex?"

"1956," was his reply.

"No wonder you look so uptight²!" she exclaimed. "Major, you need to get out more!"

"I'm not sure I understand you," he answered, glancing at his watch, ..."It's only 2014 now."