A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion¹, multiple
bruises², two black eyes and a five iron wrapped around his neck.
Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well," the man says, "it's like this; I was playing a quiet round of
golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls
into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was
rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white on its
rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there
was a golf ball with my wife's monogram³ on it--stuck right in the middle
of the cow's butt⁴. That's when I made my big mistake."

"What did you do?" the doctor asks.

"Well." the man replies, "I lifted the cow's tail and yelled to my wife,
'Hey, this looks like yours!' I don't remember much after that."