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by Sydney Lea
When was the last lobotomy, I wonder? Too late for Carl at least, whom it's all but hopeless to think of as a whipsaw of hateful passion that would if it could have torn up his mother and father, mild as they are; but that's how old villagers say Carl acted before he was cut. Their smiles are rueful. They shake their heads, subtle. A raven2, unsubtle, grates from a hemlock3 as Carl steps into sight. His wave's familiar: he jerks and drops one palm. How old must he be? He's ageless. His eyes are empty- the operation. He turns now: ninety degrees, then ninety again like a sentry4, the other way. He turns the same on each warm evening, retreating past the house of our mutual5 neighbor, who will not speak to Carl's father, for reasons likely beyond recall. It seems a shame not to edit grievances7. It's some awful stink8 nearby that draws the raven, but the rest of the world seems fixed9 on the morbid10 too: a squirrel keeps pouring spruce cones11 down at me; a gall-blighted butternut groans12; the broadleafs wilt13; there's a pair of toads14 at my feet that wheels have flattened15 side by side, like cartoon icons16 of failure; mosquitoes strafe me, a mammoth17 dragonfly- one of the season's last-attacks a moth1 so close to me I can hear the fatal click. The other day a son went off to college. His mother and I are quietly beside ourselves. We embrace each other harder now, and vow18, as one vows19, to love our children harder too. Though I hum to distract myself, the raven dives loud as gunfire through brush to its mess. I jump, but Carl doesn't seem to hear. I watch him limp to his family's drive-then again that sure right angle. Like him, our family finds a virtue20 in order: we rise at six to eat our breakfasts together, then make a certain sandwich for one of the girls, a certain one for the other; we leave at seven; we gather the girls promptly21 at end of school. Carl opens his door and shuts it-click-behind him. It's after Labor22 Day, it's end-of-summer, it's another season upon us. Now he scolds me, that squirrel on his branch, his store of weapons gone. Why me, dumb brute23? I haven't done anything wrong, I've got no grievance6 with him-not with anyone really. The darkness deepens, Lord with me abide24. The wishing star is not enough to light the space around me while this bit of hymn25 from my schooldays plays, while daytime's creatures crawl to cover, and night ones, having no choice, confront the night. 点击收听单词发音
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