by Denise Duhamel

    According to Culture Shock：

    A Guide to Customs and Etiquette¹

    of Filipinos， when my husband says yes，

    he could also mean one of the following：

    a.） I don't know.

    b.） If you say so.

    c.） If it will please you.

    d.） I hope I have said yes unenthusiastically enough

    for you to realize I mean no.

    You can imagine the confusion

    surrounding our movie dates， the laundry，

    who will take out the garbage

    and when. I remind him

    I'm an American， that all has yeses sound alike to me.

    I tell him here in America we have shrinks

    who can help him to be less of a people-pleaser.

    We have two-year-olds who love to scream "No！"

    when they don't get their way. I tell him，

    in America we have a popular book，

    When I Say No I Feel Guilty.

    "Should I get you a copy？" I ask.

    He says yes， but I think he means

    "If it will please you，" i.e. "I won't read it."

    "I'm trying，" I tell him， "but you have to try too."

    "Yes，" he says， then makes tampo，

    a sulking that the book Culture Shock describes as

    "subliminal² hostility³ . . . withdrawal⁴ of customary cheerfulness

    in the presence of the one who has displeased⁵" him.

    The book says it's up to me to make things all right，

    "to restore goodwill⁶， not by talking the problem out，

    but by showing concern about the wounded person's

    well-being⁷." Forget it， I think， even though I know

    if I'm not nice， tampo can quickly escalate⁸ into nagdadabog——

    foot stomping⁹， grumbling¹⁰， the slamming

    of doors. Instead of talking to my husband， I storm off

    to talk to my porcelain¹¹ Kwan Yin，

    the Chinese goddess of mercy

    that I bought on Canal Street years before

    my husband and I started dating.

    "The real Kwan Yin is in Manila，"

    he tells me. "She's called Nuestra Se？ora de Guia.

    Her Asian features prove Christianity

    was in the Philippines before the Spanish arrived."

    My husband's telling me this

    tells me he's sorry. Kwan Yin seems to wink¹²，

    congratulating me——my short prayer worked.

    "Will you love me forever？" I ask，

    then study his lips， wondering if I'll be able to decipher

    what he means by his yes.

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