I left my window open tonight

And turned the porch¹ light on，

So that when I awake from my dreams，

I can look out into the rain

and still see us there……

You holding me in your arms，

pulling me close to you as we dance，

Hearing our own song through the rain，

Laughing and kissing，

Compelled to never let each other go……

Finally the vision vanishes，

We aren't really there……

And we never were.

We have never held each other，

And we have never danced beneath the pale moonlight.

Never felt the rain pour down and soak us……

Together.

Every day I see you， not where you are，

But where I want you to be.

I reach over and tenderly run my fingertips along the sheets

beside me…… where you should be.

I long to feel your face， your chest，

Feel your life's breath move in and out，

As you lie there in gentle sleep.

I move my hand to where I should feel your heart

Beating steadily² beneath my hand.

I close my eyes and I can almost feel it.

It seems that no matter what I do anymore，

I envision your doing it with me，

It's almost like you should be there

And I sometimes just can't figure out why you aren't.

I drive through through the streets，

Hear one of our favorite songs on the radio，

And almost speak to you，

Like you are in the seat next to me，

Sharing the music.

I have even reached over，

Placed my hand on the seat，

And it almost felt warm，

Like you had really been there.

I long to take you with me，

To hold your hand in the movie theater.

To hear you laugh in the funny parts……

To cry with you in the sad ones.

Go dancing with you，

And sway as one body to the music.

So close that our souls are almost touching³.

And healing……

I need you so much， it seems.

I wonder how I ever made it through a day，

Without knowing you.

All we have are our phone conversations，

I know your voice so well，

I could easily pick it out of thousands……

I know your laugh，

And even how your voice sounds when you smile.

I have sometimes heard a tear in your voice……

And all I could think about was reaching across this great ocean，

that separates me from you， and wiping it away，

Taking away your heartache， my heartache……

It is all I think about.

How can anyone be so lonely？

And miss someone so much，

Someone they have never seen……

Never held……

Never touched……

I carry you with me……

In this little place called my heart.

You have become a part of me，

a part that I never want to be without.

So now I lie here……

and listen to the rain falling outside my window.

I look out and for a brief moment I see us there again.

And then my gaze moves up to the ceiling，

Searching for your smile.

I close my eyes，

And listen for your voice……

and then I hear it……

"Goodnight my love……"

I open my eyes and look for you，

But surprisingly yet again， I am still alone.

And now here I am……

Another sleepless⁴ night……

Without you here.

-Poem by  Jenna-

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