1. Firstly, ask them what they're looking for.

 

They might be honest and tell you they're not looking for anything serious -- and that's fine. But they might also say they are willing to settle for the right person, which gives you the indication you're not wasting your time. It's rather that than finding out later on that you were one of seven other people they were hanging out with.

 

2. Are they content with life?

 

It sounds quite deep for the start of a relationship, when everything is supposed to be fun and carefree. But Stott said it's a good idea to find out if someone is happy with where they are in their life.

 

You don't have to be quite so direct about it. You can ask questions like "Are you happy in your job?" or "Do you feel at home in the city you live in?"

 

3. Do they have any major future plans?

 

Nobody wants to be in the position of falling for someone, then learning the plan to move half way across the world... indefinitely.

 

Any major life-changing events, like moving to work abroad, or travelling, will likely impact your relationship. So it's handy to know about someone's plans early on.

 

4. What is their average Sunday like?

 

The way you spend your Sundays can be quite telling. Some people waste away the hours nursing a hangover, whereas others are more "get up and go" types.

 

5. How do they handle stressful situations?

 

For instance, some people retreat into themselves and need coaxing¹ out by someone who is more in touch with their feelings. If two emotional hermits² start dating, it might not be a totally healthy relationship that blossoms.

 

If you go through something stressful, see how the other person reacts. It doesn't have to be anything big, but it can be a good gauge³ for how much help they will be during the tougher things life throws at you. If they are dismissive or don't seem to care about your troubles, it could be a sign they're afraid of intimacy⁴, or can't communicate very well.

 

6. Do they have the same values as you?

 

People all have their certain deal breakers. For example, some will not tolerate drug use. Others are intent on not having children. Although it's hard to get into the big topics at the start of the relationship, you should find out if they have any values that are the total opposite of your own.

 

7. What are their friends and family like?

 

People aren't always a mirror image of their friends and family, but in general, you can tell a lot about a person from who they choose to hang out with, and where they came from.

 

The same goes for them meeting your friends. While you're wearing the rose-tinted glasses during the honeymoon⁵ period, it can be tempting⁶ to dismiss things that would bother you further down the line. Your friends won't be so easily fooled.

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