1. Assuming that nobody wants to talk to you

假设没人愿意和你交谈

 

If you're shy, I get it. But you're not the only one. If you're fretting¹ about seeming confident or “natural,” you're missing the point: Stop thinking about yourself. Instead, think of reaching out as an act of service.

如果你害羞，可以理解。但你不是唯一一个害羞的人。如果你为表面上的自信或“自然”而烦恼，那你就搞错了重点：停止考虑自己的感受。相反，把与人交流看作是一种服务。

 

2. Interrupting or intruding² upon an existing conversation

打断或干扰正在进行的对话

 

Timing³ is everything. If you see two or more people vigorously engaged in conversation, they're probably not ready for you to barge⁴ in.

时机决定一切。如果你看到两个或两个以上的人聊得正嗨，他们可能还没有准备好让你插嘴。

 

First, wait for a lull⁵. Then once you have someone's attention and, ideally, receive a non-verbal go-ahead, that's your chance.

首先，等待一个对话间歇。然后，一旦你吸引了某人的注意力，理想情况下，得到对方的示意，这就是你的机会。

 

3. Start talking without having something to say

开启对话时无话可聊

 

If someone appears distant or lost in thought, moving into their personal space and mumbling⁶ “hey” is hardly an icebreaker.

如果有人显得疏远或出神了，可以走进他们的私人空间，小声说嘿很难打破僵局。

 

Try asking permission (e.g., "Excuse me, do you mind if I ask you something?") and make sure you have a fully⁷ formed question or comment in mind (e.g., "Are you having a good time?" ).

试着征求许可（例如，“对不起，你介意我问你一些事情吗？”）并确保你脑子里有一个完整的提问或评论（例如，“你玩得开心吗？”）。

 

It's all about creating a comfortable opportunity for the other person to respond.

这一切都是为了给对方创造一个舒适的回应机会。

 

4. Broaching⁸ controversial topics

提出有争议的话题

 

If you're talking to someone new, it's generally best not to talk about weighty, off-putting or polarizing topics.

如果你在和一个刚认识的人对话，一般最好不要谈论沉重、令人不快或两极分化的话题。

 

For starters, aim for something simple and close at hand that you and the other person can observe together. Maybe it's the music you're both hearing, or the food you're both tasting.

在初期阶段，寻找一些你和别人可以聊到一起的简单而贴近生活的话题。也许是你们都听的音乐或品尝的食物。

 

5. Being hard to follow

说话让人难以理解

 

Once you've made a connection with each other, keep that connection going by making yourself easy to understand.

一旦你已经与人开始交流，要让自己的话通俗易懂，将沟通继续下去。

 

If you speak different languages, for example, slow your speech and enunciate⁹ clearly. If they ask you what you do for work, answer in a way that doesn't take five minutes or deploy¹⁰ a lot of workplace jargon¹¹.

例如，跨语言交流时放慢你的语速，发音清晰。如果有人询问你的工作，回答不要花上五分钟，也不要使用太多职场术语。

 

6. Talking too much about yourself — or about the other person

谈论太多关于你自己或其他人的话题

 

It's often said that people love to talk about themselves, and that asking questions is the secret ingredient to good conversations. But that's not true for everyone.

大家常说，人们喜欢谈论自己，提出问题是良好沟通的秘诀。但并非所有人都是这样。

 

Nobody likes to feel interrogated¹², so if you sense that questions aren't welcome, back off.

没有人喜欢被审问，所以如果你觉得问题不讨喜，就此打住。

 

7. Wasting someone's time

浪费别人的时间

 

If you're talking to someone, talk to them. Don't stare at the floor or look over their shoulder at another person. Put your phone away. Be present and give them your full attention.

如果你在和某人对话，就认真讲话。不要盯着地板看，也不要回头看其他人。把你的手机收起来。把你的注意力都留给对方。

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