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My Claudia, it is long since we have met,
So kissed, so held each other heart to heart! I thought to greet thee as a conqueror1 comes, Bearing the trophies2 of his prowess home. But Jove hath willed it should be otherwise—— Jove, say I? Nay3, some mightier4, stranger god, Who thus hath laid his heavy hand on me, No victor, Claudia, but a broken man Who seeks to hide his weakness in thy love. How beautiful thou art! The years have brought An added splendor5 to thy loveliness, With passion of dark eye and lip rose-red, Struggling between its dimple and its pride. And yet there is somewhat that glooms between Thy love and mine; come, girdle me about With thy true arms, and pillow on thy breast This aching and bewildered head of mine; Here, where the fountain glitters in the sun Among the saffron lilies I will tell—— If so that words will answer my desire—— The shameful6 fate that hath befallen me. Down in Jerusalem they slew7 a man, Or god . . . it may be that he was a god . . . Those mad, wild Jews whom Pontius Pilate rules. Thou knowest Pilate, Claudia——a vain man, Too weak to govern such a howling horde8 As those same Jews. This man they crucified. I knew naught9 of him——never heard his name Until the day they dragged him to his death; Then all tongues wagged about him and his deeds; Some said that he had claimed to be their king, Some that he had blasphemed their deity10. 'Twas certain he was poor and meanly born, No warrior11 he, nor hero; and he taught Doctrines12 that surely would upset the world; And so they killed him to be rid of him. Wise, very wise, if he were only man, Not quite so wise if he were half a god! I know that strange things happened when he died . . . There was a darkness and an agony, And some were vastly frightened——not so I! What cared I if that mob of reeking13 Jews Had brought a nameless curse upon their heads? I had no part in that bloodguiltiness. At least he died; and some few friends of his Took him and laid him in a garden tomb. A watch was set about the sepulchre, Lest these, his friends, should hide him and proclaim That he had risen as he had foretold14. Laugh not, my Claudia. I laughed when I heard The prophecy; I would I had not laughed! I Maximus, was chosen for the guard, With all my trusty fellows. Pilate knew I was a man who had no foolish heart Of softness all unworthy of a man! I was a soldier who had slain15 my foes16; My eyes had looked upon a tortured slave As on a beetle17 crushed beneath my tread; I gloried in the splendid strife18 of war, Lusting19 for conquest; I had won the praise Of our stern general on a scarlet20 field, Red in my veins21 the warrior passion ran, For I had sprung from heroes, Roman born! That second night we watched before the tomb; My men were merry; on the velvet22 turf, Bestarred with early blossoms of the spring, They diced23 with jest and laughter; all around The moonlight washed us like a silver lake, Save where that silent, sealed sepulchre Was hung with shadow as a purple pall24. A faint wind stirred among the olive boughs25 . . . Methinks I hear the sighing of that wind In all sounds since, it was so dumbly sad; But as the night wore on it died away, And all was deadly stillness; Claudia, That stillness was most awful, as if some Great heart had broken and so ceased to beat! I thought of many things, but found no joy In any thought, even the thought of thee; The moon waned26 in the west and sickly grew, Her light sucked from her in the breaking dawn . . . Never was dawn so welcome as that pale, Faint glimmer27 in the cloudless, brooding sky! Claudia, how may I tell what came to pass? I have been mocked at, when I told the tale, For a crazed dreamer punished by the gods Because he slept on guard; but mock not THOU! I could not bear it if thy lips should mock The vision dread28 of that Judean morn. Sudden the pallid29 east was all aflame With radiance that beat upon our eyes As from the noonday sun; and then we saw Two shapes that were as the immortal30 gods Standing31 before the tomb; around me fell My men as dead; but I, though through my veins Ran a cold tremor32 never known before, Withstood the shock and saw one shining shape Roll back the stone; the whole world seemed ablaze33, And through the garden came a rushing wind Thundering a paean34 as of victory. Then that dead man came forth35 . . . oh, Claudia, If thou couldst but have seen the face of him! Never was such a conqueror! Yet no pride Was in it . . . naught but love and tenderness, Such as we Romans scoff36 at, and his eyes Bespake him royal. Oh, my Claudia, Surely he was no Jew but very god! Then he looked full upon me; I had borne Much staunchly, but that look I could not bear! What man may front a god and live? I fell Prone37, as if stricken by a thunderbolt; And though I died not, somewhat of me died That made me man; when my long stupor38 passed I was no longer Maximus . . . I was A weakling with a piteous woman soul, All strength and pride, joy and ambition gone! My Claudia, dare I tell thee what foul39 curse Is mine because I looked upon a god? I care no more for glory; all desire For honor and for strife is gone from me, All eagerness for war. I only care To help and save bruised40 beings, and to give Some comfort to the weak and suffering; I cannot even hate those Jews; my lips Speak harshly of them, but within my heart I only feel compassion41; and I love All creatures, to the vilest42 of the slaves, Who seem to me as brothers. Claudia, Scorn me not for this weakness; it will pass—— Surely 'twill pass in time and I shall be Maximus strong and valiant43 once again, Forgetting that slain god. And yet . . .and yet . . . . He looked as one who could not be forgot! 点击收听单词发音
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